Why?

Kids are famous for asking a lot of questions. But honestly, you will never know exactly how many until you experience it for yourself! I took the liberty of writing down some questions that Kyle has been asking me lately. This is just a sample. Everything he says starts with, "You know what, Mama?" and a great deal of his sentences start with "Why." It is awesome to see the curiosity and thirst for knowledge as my little boy grows up and tries to understand the world. But sometimes I'm left asking myself, "Why me?" as I charge through my day as a wife, Mom, and now a walking encyclopedia of random knowledge! Here are some examples.

-Why do we have clothes in this world?
-Is Neptune where Looney Tunes live?
-Why do we have mirrors?
-How many minutes are there in three hours?
-Why do we have animals in this world?
-Why do we have clouds in this world? (yes, he really adds "in this world" to most of his questions).
-How old is Yosemite Sam? (Yes, he watches a lot of Looney Tunes)!
-How does Santa get all the toys?
-Is that a fun toy for me?
-What is farther? Hawaii or China?
-How many days until I will be a man?

Those are just a few of the random questions I get to answer on a daily basis. And on the opposite end of the spectrum, I have Brendan just starting to put together little sentences. Most notably, "Ah You!" (I Love You) <3

And now here's a question from me:

What is more wonderful in this entire world than my two little boys? <3

I would have to say NOTHING! :)

The Song of October

So it's not October yet, but waking up in the dark and the cold and the rain has brought my fall blues on early. I post this for people to read every year. It is my favorite poem that I wrote, and the most personal. There isn't a soul alive who knows the depths of what it means to me, but I share it anyway because I think it captures the beauty of fall...nature's most glorious death.

The Song of October

The world is slowly shifting...
Oppressive heat is lifting.
I inhale
the final fading sighs
of summer's breath;
Such a glorious Death
is Autumn.

I find myself helpless;
no words to capture
this seasonal rapture
that grips my heart in cold.
Waves of red and gold
swirl around...
Like memories that surround me
so clear they astound me.
So many secrets I have never told.

Sky so peaceful blue,
protects me like a cover.
Or else a deceitful lover,
appearing safe and inviting,
when in truth so bitter and biting;
enveloping my senses in chill.
Such a thrill
to feel
so real....
so warm.
Then comes the storm
so sudden and strong, to make me forget
that warmth could ever exist.

Deep intakes of breath
sustain me with air that is stunningly crisp
So sweet I can't resist
this poison that swells up inside me.
I'm alone.
A witness to beauty and pain.
Metallic rain of leaves
that seems to be never ending.
A branch in the wind, unbending
eventually will be broken.
Words that will never be spoken
evaporate from rosy lips.
Deadly heartbeat fading fast...
And now my eyes will close at last.

Such a Glorious Death is Autumn.

The Song of September

This time of year is so bitter sweet. So sad to say goodbye to the beautiful days of summer. Walking outside with no shoes on, sleeping at night with the windows open, running through the sprinkler and eating popsicles by the boxful. Of course, fall is beautiful too, but there is always that sense of saying goodbye. Now is the time to remember to say "Hello!" Hello to a new year of possibilities, opportunities, and memories to be made. It is back to school time!
Today Kyle started his first day of preschool at a new center. While he spent the last year and a half at a preschool/daycare, he is now attending the preschool program at his future elementary school. My husband and I are both very excited for him. Talk about the possibilities, opportunities and memories to be made...in this class he could possibly meet a lifetime friend. Learn to love school, or to dislike it. Discover his interests, his strengths and his weaknesses. Because of my sons, September will once again be filled with the hustle and bustle of "back to school" time for me; something I haven't really experienced in quite some time.
Of course, there were the elementary school days when the night before class started I would be out on the lawn with my best neighbor friend comparing school supplies. Sparkly pencil boxes, new crayons, pencils, notebooks and trapper keepers. Nothing like back to school shopping to get you excited for school!
And then there were the high school days...the horrid sound of the alarm clock on the first day, stressing about what to wear, finding your classes, knowing people in your classes, while at the same time being excited at the prospect of another year. New friendships, new crushes, old heartaches, lots of drama.
And the college back-to-school production: packing up your entire life at the end of the summer, shopping for fun dorm and apartment decorations like fuzzy, bright colored pillows, plastic blow-up chairs, futons and all colors of Christmas lights. That first week of classes where all you do is read 17 credit hours worth of syllabuses.
And for me, the back to school feelings that were especially sweet. This time of year always makes me think of my years as assistant director of a private preschool. While we were open year-round, September was always filled with so much fun and excitement that it made me a little less sad to see summer slip away. When September rolls around, I am filled with memories of my time there...surrounded by the sweet faces of up to 45 kids every day. And of course teachers never have favorites, and neither did I (Ava. Evan. Madison. Jessa. Zachary. Candice. Colin. Stevie. J.J. Gabrielle. Kalli. Kayden. Madeline. Bridgett. Molly). I loved my busy days at the preschool, sometimes working all day from 7:00 to 6:00. I remember the smell of the craft cabinet. The bright and colorful circle rug. The beautiful playground. The pleasant sensation of pulling, pressing, and sticking the sticky-tac that all the teachers hoarded because it was so useful! I remember the crazy parents, and the ones that we loved. I remember dodging dozens of busy little bodies with a phone clipped to my waistline and four pitchers of juice in my hands. I remember changing over a dozen diapers a day, cleaning up puke, boogers, poop, and tears on a regular basis. The tantrums, the crying, and the screaming. I remember the friends that I made there. I remember skipping out of the doors smiling and laughing on most days, but almost crying on others. I remember the careful planning and preparation that went into each and every day.
Why did we work so hard? Because we loved teaching. We LOVED the children. And especially because our goal was to INSPIRE A LOVE OF LEARNING in each and every one of them.
I hope and pray that Kyle has teachers like me, and the best of my friends who worked at the amazing center I was blessed to work at for so long. As he starts this new journey, a lifetime of "back to school Septembers," this is my biggest wish for him. A love of learning. If he has that spirit, he will have no limitations. I know that he will be a shining star. Happy Back to School to my *FAVORITE* four and a half year old kid in the whole wide world.

The Super Bowl & the Quidditch World Cup

The world is full of such amazing beauty, everywhere you look. I'm inclined to think that if you are lucky enough to have an active imagination, the world can be even more beautiful. When you can enjoy a fantasy and have it be part of your reality, that is a pretty incredible thing!
When I was two years old, I remember watching The Dark Crystal and thinking it was the coolest thing ever. At the age of five, I watched The Neverending Story and still think it is the greatest movie ever. When I was eight, I watched Labyrinth and watched it again, almost every day for a whole summer. And when I was in college, my roommate told me that I absolutely HAD to read the Harry Potter books, and they changed my life.
So needless to say, I am kind of a "fantasy nut." Since I have known my husband (who is not into the whole fantasy thing, unless it involves extreme gore in a horror movie setting), he has been heavily into the whole Fantasy Football craze. When he does his annual draft, the whole weekend has to be planned around it. Weeks of planning and preparation go into his ultimate selections. The weeks following offer no relief; staying on top of injuries, "bye weeks," and offers of trades is a full-time job (although anyone who knows my husband or who has the misfortune of playing with him may be aware that he will pretty much NEVER trade. Imagine how fun he is in a game of Monopoly!). Anyway, I've never seen the appeal of this whole Fantasy Football thing. During football season, it has been my inclination and my greatest pleasure to nap during the games, or plunge back into the world of Harry Potter. I'd rather be hanging out with Harry, Hermione, Ron, Neville, Ginny and Luna than Roddy White and Josh Freeman (two of hubby's heroes from last year). In the past, I have had little interest in the whole thing beyond the fact that it could bring in a significant chunk of change at the season's end.
This year, it is a whole different ball game!
If you've ever met Kyle for more than one minute, you have heard his proclamation, "My name is Kyle and I LOVE football!" Over the past six months, he has learned all the teams, logos, and a great deal of the players. While Daddy has slightly encouraged him toward this interest, he never really pressed him into it, and the obsession has taken on a life of its own. Of course, seeing the excitement through his beautiful brown eyes has accomplished the impossible: it has made ME excited for football season. Because now I know all of the teams, the logos, and many of the players. I am excited for the season and to see who my husband selects for his Fantasy team. I am excited to see Kyle's favorite players (Clay Matthews and Troy Polamalu...because of their hair, of all things). I can't wait to see if his favorite team, the Carolina Panthers, will get some wins and bring joy to a four year old boy who loves them despite them being the worst team in the league. I'm excited to see how the Lions do this year...after all, they do sport my favorite color, and their mascot is a LION!!! Hello, same as the bold and brave GRYFFINDORS of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!
So for now, I get ready to dive into my first year with any interest in football. I do this joyfully for my boys. With the way Brendan is tackling his big brother, I imagine we will have another football fan in the house. So bring it on, this Mama is ready!
But I can't help but pray that there will be a day when I see at least one of my boys laying on the couch or on his bed with a big thick book in his hands, enjoying a world of fantasy that does not involve football. Dare I hope that one day, one of my boys will be inspired by the words of Albus Dumbledore? That he will wonder whether or not he should trust Professor Snape? Will he get to enjoy the beautiful and perfect tale of Good vs. Evil?
I will love my sons beyond words no matter what their interests. But if that day comes, I know that I will be able to conjure the brightest and most dazzling Patronus since 13 year old Harry's at the end of Prisoner of Azkaban.
"Expecto Patronum!"

Brendan's Special Place

I am a first born child. My husband is a first born child. I'd say the first true defining moments in my life came when my brother was born, and I was from then on defined as a BIG SISTER. Because of this role, I remember vividly what it was like to be the older child. The one held responsible for everything because "I was older" and "I knew better." I also remember being bothered by my little brother; having him mess things up that I was doing. Of course, the trade off has been well worth it. Having a sibling, especially one as cool as my little brother, has been such a huge, important and awesome part of my life. I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up without him.
That being said, my husband and I have found it easy to relate to our older son. When Brendan came along, I knew that I would have be cognizant of how his place in the family would affect him. It has been very important to me to give both boys a special place in our family where they can thrive. So of course, when Brendan is messing up something that Kyle is doing, we say, "Take it into your bedroom." We allow Kyle to have his own room as his sanctuary. While he often shares it with his little brother, at times he will go in and close the door. We allow and encourage that, while at the same time letting him know how fun it is to share. And many times he chooses to. It is easy for me to remember what it was like to be in Kyle's position, and to make accomodations for him based on my own experiences.
But what about Brendan?
Kyle was my firstborn. When I was pregnant with him, I got a baby shower. He had all brand new things. Of course, generous family members made sure that Brendan had new things also. But with the second child, especially the second boy, there was definitely not as much fanfare.
Kyle was my firstborn. I had plenty of time to make a scrapbook detailing his entire first year. Brendan has one, also....but it is empty. Even if I had time, I simply don't scrapbook anymore. I do online photo books. Seeing his empty scrapbook makes me feel guilty whenever I look at it, but now that he is almost 18 months old it is hard to find the motivation to do a scrapbook of his first 12 months!
Kyle was my firstborn. Every stage he goes through is new to us as parents. He is the original. So now when Brendan goes through it, he is inevitably compared to Kyle. "Brendan does that just like Kyle did!" or "Kyle did that so differently."
Kyle has defined himself. Often, Brendan is defined in comparison to his older brother. So where is Brendan's special place?
Brendan is my baby. When he was born, I didn't cry uncontrollably because I was overwhelmed and scared at being a new Mom. I wasn't anxious when holding him or feeding him.
Brendan is my baby. I didn't let him fall off the bed when he was five months old, because I knew better.
Brendan is the little brother, so he has one more person around to love him. To give him attention. To play with him.
When I was pregnant for the second time, everyone expected that I would have a girl. That I needed a daughter. That Kyle fulfilled my requirement for a son, and therefore I didn't need another one. When I found out that Brendan was a boy, I admit that I had a moment of shock and sadness, NOT that I was having another son, but that I would never have a daughter. But Brendan has brought such incredible joy to my life. Of course, I love watching him with his older brother. I love seeing the fun games they come up with together...hearing them laugh together. But I also love Brendan for who he is as an indivdual. Because he is my second child, he will be in some ways easier, and in some ways more of a challege because I need to work more to relate to him. But I will try my best every day because I need him to know how special he is to me. At almost 18 months of age, his personality is really starting to shine. He is a helper. He is affectionate. He is a little sneaky and a lot stubborn. He has a sense of humor. He is lovable. Brendan is SPECIAL, and his special place is in my heart.

Making Room for Turkeyo

Back when I was little girl, I loved any type of imaginative or role playing games. Above any other toy, I treasured my stuffed animals and baby dolls. One thing I never had, however, was a real "imaginary friend." Those who know my husband wouldn't be surprised to know that he never had one either! So I have to say I was a little unprepared for the arrival of Turkeyo in our home.
My four year old, Kyle, one day announced that he had a new "pretend friend." As someone educated and experienced in the field of Child Development, I felt no alarm or concern at this proclamation. Merely surprise. I asked Kyle what his name was, and without hesitation, he replied, "Turkeyo." (Pronounced just like it looks...Turkey-o!) I of course laughed at the random name choice, and assumed that he would never remember it later. How I underestimated Turkeyo's determination to make a real name for himself; to become a legend in our household!
As days went on, Turkeyo introduced his posse. His friends Hirkendot and Hookenshoe. All three now have good behavior sticker-charts above Kyle's desk, along with one more forgotten friend...Brakesixen. Turkeyo has by far the most stickers, while Hookenshoe is clearly the delinquent of the three.
This summer Turkeyo has done many things. He has even had a summer job! He apparently works at a Catholic Church nearby (a place that Kyle is terrified of; he calls it the Jesus Cross building and refuses to go near it...he much prefers Jesus OFF the cross!).
Turkeyo has also gone to jail. His heinous crime? Saying, "Butt."
So imagine how proud we were when Kyle announced this week, "Turkeyo is going to college in four days." I asked where Turkeyo would be attending, and apparently he going to Oklahoma. Kyle says he plans to meet Turkeyo there when he turns 18, which I guess means that Turkeyo is on the good old 14+ year plan of finishing college!
Actually, Kyle has talked a lot about college lately. He talks about how he doesn't want to go because he will miss us. He says he doesn't know where to go. He asks if he can bring his toys...if he can bring us. So sweet, these days when he always wants his parents around! I know that when the time comes for him to really leave us, he will more than likely be excited to go. And I'm sure I will cry, remembering these days when he was sending Turkeyo to college to wait for him there. Because by the time he gets there, I'm betting that Turkeyo will be gone for good.
So for now, I am happy to have Turkeyo in our family. It brings joy to my heart that Kyle is enjoying his imagination. If I have to make a half sandwich for Turkeyo's lunch, or respect an area where he may be sleeping, I am more than happy to do that. I just hope we can get Turkeyo on the right path and keep him out of jail! Judging by his sticker chart, he is learning to behave himself!

Dear Diary...

Back when I was a little girl, one of my favorite people in the whole world was my cousin Angela. A lot has happened to us in about 30 years, but one thing has stayed the same: she is still one of my favorite people in the whole world. To know her is to love her. In my eyes, she is truly the embodiment of a little girl's heroine: A Disney Princess. She is beautiful, kind, smart, determined, brave, classy and strong. We have often called ourselves sisters instead of cousins, but truthfully I think we have it even better. We have been sisters without the sibling rivalry, without the bickering, without the drama (well, for the most part!) :)

So while most people have been keeping touch with the world on facebook, Angela has remained absent from that corner of the world wide web. She decided to keep a blog instead, and I have to say I'm excited to be able to read all about her thoughts and dreams. It made me think back to the days when we both spent a lot of time writing. Poems and stories which ranged from innocent, little girl rhyming to the more meaningful and sometimes racy when we were teenagers. But mostly it reminded me of a favorite past time we would share when we got together: reading our diaries. Specifically, hers! :) It is a rite of passage for a little girl to have a diary, and hers was the ultimate! A lock and key, softly scented, including a bookmark. We loved reading through it often, chattering and giggling endlessly through it as little girls and teenagers do.

I started to think about why we keep diaries, journals, scrapbooks, and photo albums. Obviously it is a record of our life. But it can be so much more. Writing has always been a special way for me to express myself; something I have always enjoyed doing. So I thought that I would give it a try, also. It takes me back to a sweeter, simple time in my life when all I wanted to do was whatever Angela was doing.

After all, what girl doesn't want to be just like a princess?