Brendan's Special Place

I am a first born child. My husband is a first born child. I'd say the first true defining moments in my life came when my brother was born, and I was from then on defined as a BIG SISTER. Because of this role, I remember vividly what it was like to be the older child. The one held responsible for everything because "I was older" and "I knew better." I also remember being bothered by my little brother; having him mess things up that I was doing. Of course, the trade off has been well worth it. Having a sibling, especially one as cool as my little brother, has been such a huge, important and awesome part of my life. I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up without him.
That being said, my husband and I have found it easy to relate to our older son. When Brendan came along, I knew that I would have be cognizant of how his place in the family would affect him. It has been very important to me to give both boys a special place in our family where they can thrive. So of course, when Brendan is messing up something that Kyle is doing, we say, "Take it into your bedroom." We allow Kyle to have his own room as his sanctuary. While he often shares it with his little brother, at times he will go in and close the door. We allow and encourage that, while at the same time letting him know how fun it is to share. And many times he chooses to. It is easy for me to remember what it was like to be in Kyle's position, and to make accomodations for him based on my own experiences.
But what about Brendan?
Kyle was my firstborn. When I was pregnant with him, I got a baby shower. He had all brand new things. Of course, generous family members made sure that Brendan had new things also. But with the second child, especially the second boy, there was definitely not as much fanfare.
Kyle was my firstborn. I had plenty of time to make a scrapbook detailing his entire first year. Brendan has one, also....but it is empty. Even if I had time, I simply don't scrapbook anymore. I do online photo books. Seeing his empty scrapbook makes me feel guilty whenever I look at it, but now that he is almost 18 months old it is hard to find the motivation to do a scrapbook of his first 12 months!
Kyle was my firstborn. Every stage he goes through is new to us as parents. He is the original. So now when Brendan goes through it, he is inevitably compared to Kyle. "Brendan does that just like Kyle did!" or "Kyle did that so differently."
Kyle has defined himself. Often, Brendan is defined in comparison to his older brother. So where is Brendan's special place?
Brendan is my baby. When he was born, I didn't cry uncontrollably because I was overwhelmed and scared at being a new Mom. I wasn't anxious when holding him or feeding him.
Brendan is my baby. I didn't let him fall off the bed when he was five months old, because I knew better.
Brendan is the little brother, so he has one more person around to love him. To give him attention. To play with him.
When I was pregnant for the second time, everyone expected that I would have a girl. That I needed a daughter. That Kyle fulfilled my requirement for a son, and therefore I didn't need another one. When I found out that Brendan was a boy, I admit that I had a moment of shock and sadness, NOT that I was having another son, but that I would never have a daughter. But Brendan has brought such incredible joy to my life. Of course, I love watching him with his older brother. I love seeing the fun games they come up with together...hearing them laugh together. But I also love Brendan for who he is as an indivdual. Because he is my second child, he will be in some ways easier, and in some ways more of a challege because I need to work more to relate to him. But I will try my best every day because I need him to know how special he is to me. At almost 18 months of age, his personality is really starting to shine. He is a helper. He is affectionate. He is a little sneaky and a lot stubborn. He has a sense of humor. He is lovable. Brendan is SPECIAL, and his special place is in my heart.